Holy shit does this guy suck.  I mean, in the realm of sucking this guy is the big bang, the immaculate conception and the thrilla from Manila.  Every night on his show he takes the equivalent of a giant dump on America's psyche.  Sometimes when he's screaming at his guests time seems to slow down.  I hear a really high pitched sound off in the distance.  The sound gets louder and louder until it's deafening.  There's a bright light in the distance and I hear a voice calling my name. Then, WHAMMO!!! the defibrillator shocks me back into reality and I realize he actually made me flatline.  Scary stuff I tell you.

Let's take a look at some of the greatest hits from our snuggly papa bear...

1)  That's my advice to all homosexuals, whether they're in the Boy Scouts, or in the Army or in high school: Shut up, don't tell anybody what you do, your life will be a lot easier.

2)  All the polls say that most Americans believe as I do: That the traditional signs of Christmas are a good thing.

3)  The hate-Bush crowd simply will never admit anything good can come from the Iraq conflict. These people are bitter, dishonest, and of course, damaging to America.

4)  Does anyone know where the Best Men are? I hope they're not in the parking lot stealing our hubcaps.

5)  So anyway I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda' kissing your neck from behind...and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I'd just put it on your p***y but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business...

6)  Americans will respect your beliefs if you just keep them private. Keep it private.
 

I fucking hate this guy!